


The Games We Play

by Until_Bliss



Category: SKAM (Spain)
Genre: Cris POV, F/F
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-04-20
Updated: 2019-05-30
Packaged: 2020-01-20 18:54:42
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 6
Words: 4,868
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18531094
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Until_Bliss/pseuds/Until_Bliss
Summary: Cris’s POV as she falls in love with Joana





	1. Chapter 1

She should have known better when her fingers clicked on his account. Cris told herself that she was simply curious. Curious to see pictures that would tell her something more about Joan and her boyfriend Eloy. Of course there was nothing more happy photos of the two together but she would have been a fool to expect anything different. Nobody posted the bad things. She should have known looking at those pictures would bother her more than she cared to admit because caring meant that she was jealous and that would mean she had feelings for Joana.

Maybe the annoyance stemmed from the mix signals she received from the past few days. Those dark brown pools that drank her in and left Cris flustered and speechless. The way her heart seemed to skip a beat whenever Joana's eyes dropped to her lips ( which was often) and her smile of hers that seemed like it was only for Cris. The way time seemed to slow down and nothing else mattered when she was with her. Like most mysterious things, curiosity peaked like an invisible string pulling her in like bait. There was so many aspects to Joana that Cris wanted to know more about but looking at her page simply gave her nothing but confusion and frustration with her own feelings.

She should have known better.

Seeing Joana and Eloy at the party hurt Cris more than she thought it would because a part of her felt like she had been toyed with, and maybe she had. She was certain that they had almost kissed twice and each time Joana and been the one to lean in first, even if it was only just barley. Joana had wanted to kiss her and if they hadn't been to rudely interrupted both times, Cris would have let her. For the rest of the night Cris forced herself not to stare at the same pictures while the faint song from their first night replayed over and over in her head as she tried to tell herself she didn't care.

She should have known better.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So this chapters short because I wanted to just get into how Cris was feeling after the party but the second chapter is much longer I promise!


	2. The Games We Play

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> What happens when Cris sees Joana again.

Being at a party was the last place Cris wanted to be after previous nights events and even more so standing in front of her older brother and his friend Ruben with a fake smile plastered on her face. She was known to be the party friend, the cheerful one but in that same breath Cris was tired of putting on a facade, like her heart wasn't throbbing at the constant images of her literature partner that seemed to run restless in her mind even now.

Ruben had been more than obvious with his feelings and although he was good looking, owned a car, and had that older boy ascetic that would make any other girl go stir crazy, he wasn't her.

He wasn't Joana.

For the entirety of the party Cris had finally pushed the tormented thoughts, conflicted feelings and emotions to the back of her head and settled on the warm liquid running through her body and muddling her mind while Ruben flirted with her. She thought that just maybe she could forget about Joana and the fact that she had a boyfriend, forget those piercing brown eyes, forget the way one girl made her feel. For a good while it worked, the party and the music drowning out all those annoying emotions and her eyes focused on Ruben and his chatter.....until she showed up. 

It was hard not to notice such a presence. The way Joana carried herself with pure and utter confidence, hands nestled into the pockets of her signature denim jacket with Eloy in toll. Eloy. Cris frowned at the sight and then forced her eyes to lock with Ruben's chocolate brown ones that didn't make her heart stutter the way Joana's did and a smirk on his lips that made her involuntarily want to roll her eyes. She didn't understand how he couldn't take the hint that she wasn't interested when she practically found any excuse to leave their " date" a few days back. Cris assumed he thought she was making her move now and in a way she was, but not for the reasons he was thinking. Ruben assumed this flirting and her eyes on his lips was because she wanted to be with him, to kiss him but in all honesty she just wanted to get back at Joana. She didn't have to look over to see if Joana was looking because she felt those eyes boring into the entirety of her being. Leaning forward Cris let the liquor and emotions make the decision for her as her lips connected with Rubens. It was supposed to be something simple, just a kiss to get back at Joana for making her feel this way, mad and jealous. For feeling like she had a chance and then crushing her when she kissed Eloy at that party.

Cris smirked as she pulled away, satisfied as if she had conquered her sole objective and she had. Joana had seen and the hard glare directed into her hazy blue ones made the corners of her lips creep up a little more. Maybe just maybe she had the upper hand now, that Joana would feel the exact same thing she had but she also should have known that it wasn't going to be that simple. The moment Joana leaned up and kissed Eloy, the smirk washed straight off Cris's face and no matter how much she wanted to look away she couldn't. The anger crept up like unwanted alcohol trying to settle and Joana's gaze was back on Cris's. Waiting. Challenging as if to say " so what" and if that was the game Joana wanted to play then Cris would happily oblige.

She pulled an eager Ruben back to her lips with as much passion as she could muster. Their lips moving in a smooth rhythm and Cris opened her eyes looking directly into Joana's stone cold glare. Cris didn't know what she was expecting but she wasn't going to lie and say that she wasn't looking for a different reaction out of Joana. Cris wanted her to be hurt because she was hurt and yet Joana's eyes didn't flicker into uncertainty, they didn't fall to the ground in defeat but boldly held her gaze as she turned Eloy around so that she was in perfect view before kissing him again.

They were playing a dangerous game.

Nobody waned to give in. Cris was dead set on pissing Joana off and it seemed like the other girl was doing the same. Cris tried to enjoy Ruben's touch and the way his warm lips felt against hers with the faint taste of alcohol on his tongue. She really did try to feel something for Ruben, anything at all but the only thing Cris was thinking about was what it would be like kissing Joana and if her lips were as soft as they looked. Feelings and relationships were never something Cris even gave a second thought about. Her entire demeanor was playfulness and out of all of her love struck friends, Cris's only concerns were where the next party was at. Now?

Now she found one girl trapped in the center of her thoughts and her heart racing whenever Joana was in sight.

Now she found herself eagerly looking forward to literature class just to be in the same vicinity as Joana.

And now she found herself kissing a guy who she could care less about to prove to herself that she didn't care about a girl that was with someone else.

It was now as Cris held her gaze with Joana that she realized how screwed she was because if this was a game they were playing, she was surely going to loose.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Whew this chapters pretty long but I wanted to really go into Cris and how she felt and my fingers wouldn't stop lol. Gonna keep posting because I love these two so much! Let me know what you think about this chapter!


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Whew Cris can’t seem to catch a break huh.

Sleeping with Ruben had been impulsive and filled with an overwhelming sense of regret. There was a churning feeling in the pit of Cris’s stomach but it has nothing to do with the alcohol. It was like a mixture of guilt and defeat. Guilt because she knew exactly how Rubèn felt about her, because she knew that he was going to think there was something more than there was and she had not a clue on how she was going to break it to him.

The feeling of defeat was solely due to the fact that nothing changed about her feelings for Joana and instead only made things worse. Sleeping with Ruben only proved to her that she in fact has feelings for the girl and even more so that she had absolutely none for Rubèn. 

Her fingers tightly gripped her phone to the point that her fingers were white from the pressure. There was an inner debate to text Joanna, to ask her if this was all a game to her, if she was only playing and there was no intent for things to go further than they already did.

Cris’s fingers hovered over Rubèns text with a face formed in mild disgust. She wanted to text her friends, to text Amira and tell her what had went down but the sudden weight on Cris’s body, that uneasy feeling only made her slip her phone into her pocket and brace for her mother’s wrath instead.

How she would have liked for someone, anyone to have asked her what was wrong. To have payed attention to the hurt in her eyes, how distant and detached they were. But she got nothing. Instead she listened to her mother badger her about the time. Not that she noticed her distant blue eyes and disheveled clothes, not that she missed the way her lips tightened up and her voice wavered ever so slightly like she was on the verge of tears. Not that she noticed her daughter was on the verge of a mental and emotional breakdown.

Of course she didn’t. How could she.

Instead Cris peeled of each layer of clothes like they were fire against her skin. She tried to ignore the faint memories of Rubèn and the time they spent in his car, his touch and how for the entire time Cris thought about Joana. That now she was attempting to wipe off any trace to Rubèn from her skin like it had been embedded into her. Her tears spilled out the moment her head hit her pillow and Cris honestly didn’t have the strength to fight it. She couldn’t fight how she felt completely and utterly alone. How she felt empty even after having someone who wanted her in every way.

It wasn’t at all who she wanted.

Her friends had been so eager for her to be with Ruben and there was that sudden fear of letting them down but also telling them that she couldn’t be with him because she had feelings for someone entirely different. Cris forced herself to drown her cries into the pillow so that it would wake her parents or her bother. She didn’t want to be a bother and she also didn’t want to come up with some lie as to why her eyes were foggy with tears. She’d rather drown her tears in thoughts on poor impulsive decisions.

Anything was better than the truth.


	4. Bathroom Break

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> My adaptation on what happened in class after the pool scene.

They were currently sitting in Literature watching Pedro’s animated movements and over enthused motions that matched the excitement in his tone about a plot Cris could care less about. She was more focused on trying to keep her cool as she sat next to Joana. 

Her mind kept replaying the night at the pool and more importantly, the kiss. She was almost certain that Joana could hear the sound of her heart hammering inside her chest and although Cris knew that Joana couldn’t, The smirk that formed on the corners of the girls lips could have said otherwise.

Cris wished that she could be more like Joana, clam that is, because every time their eyes locked even it if it was only for a moment, it made her heart stutter and her body heat up despite the cold breeze shooting through the window.

When Joana’s hand brushed against Cris’s only faintly when she passed her to speak to Pedro, Cris honestly thought she was going to loose it and when Joana’s chocolate eyes peered into hers with a teasing glint and a slight smile that she knew wasn’t for her teacher, she was a goner.

“ Can I use the bathroom please” Joana’s voice rung out louder than was needed but Cris knew better. It was for her. Her eyes attempted to busy themselves at the paper that had been handed out though she could feel Joana’s gaze on hers until the door clicked shut.

She waited.

A mental count to about thirty before letting herself finally look up from her paper that had been trained on the same line and over to Pedro who had been all too invested in some story with two fellow students. “ Um can I use the bathroom”  
“ There’s already another student out. You can when she comes back”  
Cris internally rolled her eyes before pressing forward. “ I can’t.. it’s kind of a woman emergency”

Pedro’s ears were now visibly red and he sputtered out a quick yes before regaining himself to finish his story and Cris quickly made her way out the classroom and down the hall to the bathroom. There suddenly was this lump in her throat and this feeling of nervousness that came over Cris with each step she took towards the bathroom. What if she really just had to go? What if it wasn’t some silly invitation for her to show up and in the end Cris would just look stupid when she pushed through the bathroom door.

What was she expecting exactly?

Cris honestly wanted to say she didn’t know but that would’ve been a lie. To say that she hadn’t been craving to be alone with Joana after the other day in the pool. It has been exhilarating, free and Cris craved more of... well whatever else came with being with Joana. The feeling of pure and utter bliss, the increased heart rate and the thoughts that stretched miles and miles of different possibilities.

Never in her life did she fantasize about... well anyone. She saw plenty of good looking boys, pretty females that her eyes lingered over way too long to just be a passing glance, but none were the way she looked at Joana. Standing outside the bathroom door Cris gulped slightly, a internal debate on whether or not to turn away or go inside. After what seemed like minutes Cris pushed through the doors and her eyes landed on Joana.

She had been leaning against the bathroom wall with that same smirk crossed against her lips, like she had expected Cris to follow suit and there was the sudden urge to kiss that same smirk off her face. Those brown eyes that bore into hers with such an unreadable expression that Cris’s blue eyes casted the the ground for a moment. It was too intense. Too much for Cris to handle. There was a short pause before Cris heard Joana’s chuckle and that alone made the small hairs stand up on her arms, her body became alert to the sound that had become something Cris loved to hear.

“ I’m surprised that you came, but I’m glad” Joana spoke, one of her hands coming out of the pocket of her signature jean jacket to move over her chin, pointer finger moving over her lips before taking a step forward. Cris’s gaze dropped down to the purple hairs boots, the realization that they were a few feet away and the distance kept diminishing as Joana stepped closer.

“ I- uh just needed some air from Pedro” Cris tried to sound as nonchalant as could be but it was hard when Joana was looking at her like... that. Like she could pounce on her at any given moment.   
“ Oh really? I thought it was because you wanted to be alone with me”. Joana’s bluntness made Cris’s cheeks turn red and she didn’t think that she’d ever get used to how sure of herself Joana was. She knew exactly what she wanted and seemed completely home in her own skin.

Something Cris wished she could do the same.

Joana seemed to notice Cris’s hesitance, the way her fingers played with her hands before they awkwardly rested at her sides where they tapped lightly against her thigh. Cris was highly aware of Joana’s presence and even more so when Joana’s fingers intertwined with her own. The sudden heat that came from their bodies being only a few inches apart.

“ Yes Pedro um he-“ Cris’s voice faltered seeing the way Joana looked at her. Like there was no one else and it was only then that she noticed Joana’s eyes, the brown with the slightly tint of green that left Cris speechless, even more so when Joana’s hands cupped her cheek as her thumb slightly stroked her skin that left fire and desire where they had recently been.

“Oh I’m sure” Joana’s voice rung out before her lips were on hers. They were soft as they were dominant. Cris’s back made contact with the bathroom wall as her one of her hands gripped Joana’s waist and the other fond home in her hair, pulling her closer to her body.

Cris could feel Joana’s hands on her waist that slipped up to her cheeks as she deepened the kiss, her tongue gently grazing Cris’s bottom lip asking for entrance that the blonde granted. She don’t think about the possible fact that at any given moment someone could walk in, not when Joana was pulling her flesh against her body like she couldn’t bear to be separated. Not when she was getting lost in how soft Joana’s lips felt against hers. Not when it was this good.

Never in her life had Cris felt this way and never did she think she could. To have someone who made her putty in the palm of their hand and Joana had no clue. Cris got lost in her lips, her touch and the way Cris wanted more, craved more than she was getting and it seemed like Joana felt the same. Cris’s breath hitched in her throat the moment she felt Joana’s fingers slip underneath the hem of her shirt and graze the nakedness of her skin, her lips placing soft kisses along her jaw to her neck but before things could continue, Joana abruptly pulled away.

Cris’s fingers moved through her hair, breath labored as she watched Joana with a small pout and mild confusion at the fact that she pulled away until she heard the sound of female chatter and not long after two girls came in. Cris attempted to look nonchalant as she washed her hands, ignoring the small chuckle from Joana who did the same.

The two girls are oblivious as they talked about some boys and Cris’s gaze stayed trained on the sink as she focused on calming her heart rate. She ignored Joana as the girl reached past her for paper towels and her eyes only moved up to catch her gaze when she started talking.  
“I should head back to class before Pedro comes looking”. There was a small pause as Joana leaned down closer to Cris’s ear and out of the range of the two chatting females.  
“ Shame we got interrupted, no?”

So much for that calming heart rate.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the wait. It’s finals week so posting will be a little slow until actual summer vacation begins!


	5. Chapter 5

Why did it suddenly feel hard to breathe? Like all of the air had been sucked out of her lungs the closer Cris got to her destination. She was nervous, the palms over her hands made contact with the fabric of her pants more times than she could count and she found her eyes moving up to the time on her phone every couple of seconds.

One more minute.

Like clockwork the classroom door opened and the stream of bodies poured out before Cris’s eyes landed on Amira’s. Her eyebrow was raised slightly, brown eyes wide with mild surprise and her lips parted before forming into a thin line as she started walking and Cris followed suit.  
“What are you doing here?”  
“Waiting for you so we can walk together” Cris pressed on as she attempted to ignore the obvious look of annoyance in Amira’s features. There was a few beats of silence before she spoke up again.  
“ I’m really sorry. I totally forgot about it”. Cris felt her stomach knot up as she searched Amira’s expression that hadn’t softened up in the slightest.  
“ It’s excuses”  
“Huh?”  
“It just all sounds like excuses” Amira huffed out, her fingers gripped her binder tighter and as her mouth twitched slightly like she was holding back her emotions.  
“ You’ve been acting weird and don’t try and deny it either. You don’t want to hang out anymore and you always have excuses... if you don’t wanna be friends anymore fine just tell me”.

The wavering in Amira’s voice almost broke Cris who was fighting back tears of her own. She felt like she was failing everyone around her. Her parents, Dani, her teacher, and now her best friend.  
“ Why don’t you trust me anymore?”

Oh how Cris wanted to correct her, how she wanted to tell her that she trusted Amira more than anyone else in the world, that she was one of the most important people in Cris’s life and that she was struggling with her feelings for a girl. Instead she said this:  
“ I do trust you”. 

Cris wanted Amira to take the apology, to understand that it wasn’t at all what the girl has thought but Amira simply scoffed and shook her head. “ That’s not true” She blinked back tears that were forming in her eyes as pushed past Cris who started to panic. She didn’t want to loose her best friend because of her fear to vocalize her secret. When Joana was around there was this feeling of certainty, safety and confidence that moved through Cris. It was as if she was her anchor in a way, someone that made her feel so sure of herself and now...now she felt anxious alone and it was apparent that now more than ever. She forced down the lump in her throat, forced all the negative thoughts on how Amria would react, forced herself to not think about the fact that Amira might not want to talk to her ever again and just let go of all the self doubt and fears. 

Cris spun around grabbing Amira who turned to her with a defeated look that morphed into shock when Cris started talking.  
“ I like someone okay? A lot and it’s a girl and we kissed Saturday” it felt like a jumbled mess pouring out of Cris’s mouth but she couldn’t stop talking even if she wanted too. She wanted to explain to Amira that she hadn’t been ghosting her because she didn’t want to be friends but because she was figuring herself out and her feelings for a girl.

Her feelings for Joana.

Amira broke into a laugh and had to explain to her that nobody could tell her they couldn’t be friends and Cris smiled through the soft blows Amira landed on her arm. “ And here I thought you didn’t want to be friends with me anymore”. Cris smiled, truly smiled as she kissed the side of Amira’s head.  
“ Never! Amiris is the realest thing”.


	6. Chapter 6

It hurt.  
There was a mixture of emotions that were running rapid through Cris’s brain as she looked out the schools window and down on Joana and Eloy. There was anger and then confusion and finally sadness. Cris felt like a fool and that pain only doubled the moment she dragged her eyes away from seeing Joana and Eloy to Amira who’s face had fallen from all too cheery smiles just moments ago. She had seen it too. Cris was angry because it happened again. She got her hopes up that there was a chance at whatever this was between them and ended up looking like an idiot when Joana was back to kissing Eloy. She was more than confused though. Because that night at the pool has been more than perfect, because there was no way Joana didn’t feel the same way she did....Right? Not when she made the first move in the pool, not when she was starred into Cris so deeply like she was the only person that mattered, and not when she was kissing Cris the other day in the bathroom during Litt class like she was trying to memorize every inch of Cris’s lips and her hands moving to feel her out the curvature of her body like a map.

'Maybe this is all a game to her. Maybe she doesn't like me the same way I like her'. She thought to herself. 

Cris’s thoughts were almost as loud as the pounding in her chest as she forced a smile and fake laugh to her friends. She desperately tried to pay attention to Viri’s excitement for her party and Cris tuned into the girls chatter, ignoring the soft brown eyes that came from Amira’s direction, because she knew that if she made eye contact with them her whole facade would crumble down and she’d break Into tears.

Instead she told herself over an over again that she was okay because maybe if she kept telling herself that, she’d actually start to believe it.  
Friday 12:30

She was seated next to Cris with her face currently looking slightly over her shoulder as if she were too afraid to make eye contact. Like starring at her hurt. If anything it hurt Cris even more. There were literally no words that could describe how annoyed she felt and she was certain that those emotions were expressed clear as day through her features with the look of ' Don't fuck with me today'. Pedro was rambling on about the recent marks and for once the cause of her stomach flipping had nothing to do with the girl that sat next to her and everything to do with the fact that she desperately needed to pass this class. 

" Cris, Joana, well done you two. You should stick together, you guys make a pretty good team"  
It took everything in Cris's power not to roll her eyes at the comment but instead pressed her lips together in a tight smile before picking up the folder and checking the grade. It was the first time Cris could actually remember getting a high grade on well...any test and if the rest of her grades could somehow look the same as this one, then maybe her mother would finally get off her back. She wasn't aware of the smile that had formed on her lips until the Joana's voice made her mood shift once again and her face fall at her words. " Well you heard Pedro, it's good to have me around". At that comment Cris rolled her eyes and trained her attention to the front of the class. Did Joana honestly think that they were okay? Like Cris didn't see her tongue once again in Eloy's mouth, like she didn't just hurt her again?

Apparently she did.

Forgive me. That's what the note had said. Cris constantly played over the image in her head of the paper made in the same style from last time. From the idea that she got for the Dangerous Liaisons project. Forgive me. Those two words stuck on repeat and no music could drown tune it out. It was those words that echoed through her mind when she saw Joana waiting for her and it got louder with each step she took. Cris tried to keep herself together when she stopped just a few feet away from Joana. She was still pissed and yet her anger softened the moment Joana started talking. " Forgive me" and hearing it out loud effected her a lot more than she thought it would. Cris made a face of annoyance though her body reacted completely different. Jonas's tone was one of pleading and slight desperation, those brown eyes that usually held a teasing glint was so...unsure and nervous, that alone made Cris's chest tight. When Joana said she broke up with Eloy Cris felt like she could breathe again and she couldn't even stop the smile that grew on her face if she wanted too. Cris had been so certain that Joana wasn't going to leave Eloy and now she was standing in front of her stating that she had feelings for Cris.

" Im glad, that that person is me of course".

Kissing Joana always felt intense and similar to her stares, something that sucked you in before you even realized what was happening but this time it was slightly different. Different  
because now there was no worries that Joana didn't feel the same way she did. Because now there was a air of clarity between the two of them that right now in this moment, Joana wanted Cris and she felt the same way.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the delay! I got so caught up in some summer projects that I couldn't push this post out on Saturday. Hope you enjoy it!

**Author's Note:**

> So this is my first fic on here, go easy on me lol. Lemme know what you guys think and if I should continue it :)


End file.
